With my 45th birthday approaching fast I have been, despite being a super busy bee, more reflective than previous years.
Needless to say it’s been a turbulent and trying year for me. A year full of change, which has brought new challenges, obstacles and opportunities into my life. A year where I had moments of self doubt, worry, sadness, uncertainties and goodbyes. However it has definitely not been a year of regrets, though the lows have been tiring and depressing at times. Despite that the highs have been extremely uplifting and energising. A year where I learnt that effort is one of those things that gives true meaning to life. It means you care. Care that something is so important to you, you are willing to work for it, whatever it takes you to get there. A year where I set myself new goals. Goals in some people’s eyes that are way too big. However I knew I had to set these goals to grow into the person I now know I can be and would like to be. A year full of self improvements. As I believe we cannot become what we want by remaining what and where we are at present. A year where I tried every day to become that little bit better a person than I was yesterday, which was followed by everything around me becoming better too. Although it also meant losing people and leaving things and old thinking patterns behind. It meant trying out new ways. Some did fail. Some still need working on. Nonetheless all of it together has helped to see the bigger picture. A year where I learnt to stop saying ‘I wish’ and replace it with ‘I will’. Where I started to talk to myself with a kinder, more supportive and loving voice. A year where new people came into my life, teaching me new ways and creating meaningful moments. Moments I will never forget and I am very grateful for. Some of these moments were painful but more often they inspired me and were filled with lots of laughter.
I am definitely not where I would like to be yet! However I am not waiting anymore, standing still and dreaming for it to just miraculously happen. I have learnt to live in the moment and enjoy the journey, embracing all of it. The failures, the laughter, the realisations, learning new things, being more mindful, pushing my boundaries and opening up to new ways of thinking and living.
A friend asked me the other day; “Ess, are you happier than a year ago?” I can truly say I am excited about life! Yes, I am still scared at times, but I realise now that everything I want is on the other side of my fears. I am grateful for being a mother to two incredible healthy children. I am happy with the handful of close friends putting up with my moments of scantiness and chatting nonstop double-Dutch. I am looking forward to continuing my self-improvement and working towards my goals and dreams. Hoping I will be able to inspire and help others to self-improve and feel excited about life. Yet… I am definitely not waiting for it to happen!
Make it happen guys!
Lots of love always,