Queuing up with my fellow models, ready for my first walk on the opening night of Liverpool fashion week last Monday. I felt a little nervous but more grateful that I had been given the opportunity to walk that walk and show off incredible designs from high fashion to high street. As I turned around to walk off the cat walk my eyes look up to Gok Wan, who was playing some fabulous feel good tunes above the stage in the DJ booth and we briefly smiled at each other. When I walked back upstairs and I came face to face with Gok and he gave me the thumbs up. Little did Gok know how I felt back in 2006 when he started his television series ‘How To Look Good Naked’. Little did Gok know that every week I watched, from the comfort of my own sofa, underneath a blanket with a cup of tea and lots of chocolates, wondering how these brave women with so little self esteem were able to find that courage to walk on a cat walk, naked, watched closely by a crowd. I am not exaggerating when I say that as I watched these women I literally felt sick at the thought of putting myself through that. Imagining myself doing that gave me palpitations and a dry mouth. Yet every week I tuned in to watch and be inspired, wondering if I could do the same one day. Here I am, nearly 10 years later, a normal 44 year old mother of two, stepping on a runway in front of a crowd still feeling vulnerable at times and still feeling a bit nervous but I am doing something now that for a long time I believed I wasn’t physically capable of doing.
I strongly believed I was not worthy enough, not pretty enough and definitely not brave enough. Nearly 10 years later I have found the strength within and believe I am kinda good enough to be part of something that I love doing, which at one point in my life was just a dream if not a total nightmare. I am actually feeling a little bit emotional writing this, which was so was not my intention. As this blog was going to be all about fashion and incredible talented creatives coming together at Liverpool fashion week, working together as a team and providing a hell of a show. Before I start telling you all about that in part 2 I just want to say a big thank you to Gok. If only you knew how you inspired me years ago. How the women you helped on your TV program to find that confidence and self belief has helped me in the long run too. Even if it took me almost 10 years, but then again I have always been a little slow on the uptake! Modelling has been like therapy for me. It has helped me find that courage within. I have slowly grown into a woman who now believes she is good enough to say “yes” to opportunities. Opportunities that at times still frighten me a little. I must say that I have been very fortunate to have befriended lots of lovely creative people who believed in me. Like Gok believed in those women on his television program. People in the fashion industry that gave me a chance. Some of whom to this day send me a message before an event like Liverpool fashion week saying: “Es you can do it, go and shine and just be you.” How beautiful is that? With the help and support of others you can grow and chase dreams. To tackle a fear so strong that at one point in your life it would literally make you feel uneasy even thinking about doing it. You see all you lovely ladies out there, if I can overcome a fear and turn something I thought I was never capable of doing around, you all definitely can do it too. Whether it’s modelling, writing that novel, being part of a play, painting, join a football team or starting your own cake making business. It doesn’t matter what it is. Never ever think you are not worthy of doing something and convincing yourself you are stuck in a rut. Never ever think you can’t change old toxic beliefs about yourself. Just one step at a time. Challenge yourself and surround yourself with good people that support you not pulling you down or holding you back. You will look back too in years to come and think; “OMG I am so lucky and grateful to be doing something I love, which has helped me to be a happier more confident person loving life to the fullest.”
I am at present working on starting up my own self-worth and confidence workshops. Inspired by the lovely Gok, which will hopefully be able to help, support and reach out to other women out there feeling the way I did back in 2006. I shall keep you all posted on it’s developments. Its going to be fun. Its going to be inspiring and a chance to meet like minded women. Women who will be able to empower and uplift one another. If you have any suggestions or questions please don’t hesitate to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org, I will drop you a personal reply back asap.
Keep shining bright and keep challenging yourselves!